My Day Job Versus My Passion

First of all I just wanted to give credit where credit is due, I found this topic from Chris Brogan.


My Day Job vs. My Passion. These two things are gloved up, in the ring, sweating, and duking it out for the number one position. It is one of the major stress factors in my life and in my marriage. I have a few passions in my life: baking, photography, music, & helping people. I've been spending the past five or so years figuring out what passion I'm going to choose for my career. It's been one big battle between my husband and I. His passion vs mine. You see, we can't both get what we want. He wants to be in one place and I want to be in another. He can't do his passion where I do mine. It just isn't going to happen. (We've tried! Remember the VT fiasco? Yeah...)

I've been dealing with this a lot lately. How is it fair that he gets to pick where we go? I guess it all comes down to a pay check. He makes one and I don't. It's pretty black and white. So we have to go where we can make the best for our family, more directly, Elizabeth. In Ross's line of work I need to be flexible. I need to be a constant for Elizabeth because Ross won't be able to be one. He won't be home at the same time every day. He won't always have the same days off. He might have to go away for more training. I was talking to a very good friend of mine the other day and he gave me some insight. It's all about growing up. You can't always get what you want and sometimes you have to sacrifice for the greater good of the people around you.

It's not like this is a whole new concept for me. It's been eating away at me for a while now, I just don't want to accept it. I struggle with feeling like being married and being a mother has taken away so much of me. It has completely stripped me of my dreams. I don't think it means I need to give them up, that's just ridiculous. It just means that I need to be realistic. I need to figure out a "day job" of sorts and practice my passions on the side. Maybe someday I will get my chance but for now, I need to let it go.

It hurts, it's like losing a loved one. Any mother and wife can relate with me when I say, you already give so much of yourself. It's hard to give up everything. I don't want anyone to think that I don't love my family, I do. I just hate feeling like I can't have my cake and eat it too. Other women seem to be able to juggle it all, why can't I? The reality is, we don't live close enough to family. We don't have the support system of friends and family close by who can help us out. It's us. Mommy, Daddy, Lizzie. We don't have anyone else to count on.

So here I am. I have the glass of water. It's sitting on the counter and the pill is in my hand. Now I just need to put it in my mouth and swallow. I just know that when I swallow that pill, that's it. There is no taking it back.


ETA: A friend, Ramee, just posted this quote on her FB today. It certainly speaks to me right now.

"The Lord doesn't 'bend the rules' for your happiness. He wants us to do what is right, not what feels good."