While we are here in New York, I made an appointment with my midwives. I had a less than desirable experience in Maine and I needed some reassurance with people I trust. Luckily, my midwives felt the same way I did. They wanted to see me and get the necessary procedures done. Friday afternoon Ross, Lizzie, and I headed to my Dr's appointment. As I met with my midwife and told her everything that had been done in Maine I could see concern behind her eyes.
The Maine Dr told me that I could have a bladder infection or an ectopic pregnancy. I was having some pain in my uterus and he had done an external ultrasound that showed absolutely nothing. We saw a little gray haze and he was convinced that I was lying to him about when my last period was. I was supposed to be six weeks along but he was seeing a five week pregnancy. Even with the red flags he didn't do any testing and didn't want to see me for four more weeks.
As I talked to my midwife she seemed to think that everything was fine with me (morning-all day sickness, fatigue, etc etc) because I was having all of the right symptoms. However, ectopic pregnancy is no joke so she ordered all sorts of blood tests, urine tests, and rushed me into an ultrasound. I ended up being at the hospital for almost two hours.
Everything in my ultrasound looked great. No ectopic pregnancy and no bladder infection here. The pain is exactly what I thought, and told the Maine Dr, it was...my uterus growing and stretching. The baby is looking small so they think I am only nine weeks, not ten (well 9 weeks tomorrow instead of 10 on Wednesday). This is a little disappointing to me only because morning sickness is wreaking havoc on my body and I was really looking forward to only having about two weeks left of the bad stuff. Oh well, either way I'm just glad there is a little healthy baby in there. The ultrasound also showed a tiny little heartbeat that I was beyond grateful to see. 169 and going strong!
Here's our little peanut! The baby is head down and the little circle above the baby is the yolk sac.
Finally after having lots of blood taken I was free to go. I felt bad for the lady doing my labs because I am an easy fainter and she had this look on her that said "Please, don't faint. It's Friday afternoon, I don't need a fainter." Luckily for both of us, no fainting occurred but my body was feeling the side affects from having so much blood taken. Ross asked if I wanted to have an early dinner because lately, the worst time of day for me is around 5-6 o'clock until I go to bed. We figured, why not, and ate at my favorite Mexican restaurant, The Rattlesnake. I ate a whole bunch of chips and salsa and part of a chimichanga. I'm nowhere near where I used to be when it comes to portions but I'm doing my best to nourish myself and the baby.
Here I am right at the very very beginning of my pregnancy..probably only 2ish weeks along. Nice and skinny...and still able to work out and eat vegetables, hummus, and eggs. All of which make me want to run and hide now.
Here I am today...9 weeks tomorrow. Honestly, I think I look like i've just eaten too many doughnuts. I am not comfortable showing off the belly at all, maybe in a few more weeks.
I have another appointment July 8th and we might be able to actually hear the heartbeat so I'm definitely looking forward to that. Still no definite news about Ross's job. He will be sending in the last of his paperwork this week and hopefully we'll get some details about the school he needs to go to. Everything seems to be going very smoothly and it looks like he will be leaving for Iraq in August. Lizzie has preschool screening on Wednesday and we're still apartment/house hunting here in Cambridge. Hopefully something comes up soon and we can get our lives somewhat back to normal.
Have a great week friends & family! I'll keep all of our updates on the blog. As soon as I hear something, I'll write it down and post it for you all. I just think this is the easiest way to keep all of you in the loop. :)
Sorry blog friends, I know I haven't been writing recently. Life has certainly been on a roller coaster ride lately and I feel like everything around me is changing so fast. I am now eight weeks pregnant and morning sickness is in full swing. Whoever made up the name "morning sickness" lied. I have raging all day sickness that seems to be getting worse at night. The past week in New York has been extremely hot and humid which has only made my morning sickness worse. Thankfully, we now have a little break from the heat and the weather is now gorgeous. I think Mother Nature took pity on me.
I don't think this pregnancy fully hit me until recently. Actually, I think I'm still coming to terms with the fact that I will be a mother of two. Eep! The first trimester of pregnancy is especially hard on me and I think it's worse when you have other children. I feel so bad because all I want to do is lay on the couch and work on not throwing up when I know Lizzie wants my full attention. I want to do all of the fun things New York has to offer (laying in the sun, going to the river, balloon fest, going out to eat, shopping, etc) but I'm just so incredibly sick. I am one of those mothers who hates to think that I have to change my way of life just because I have kids. Obviously, things change, but I don't believe in not doing something because bringing your children would be a hassle. We hike, we eat out, we go to town functions, we do all of these things with Elizabeth. While some of these things would be easier or maybe a little more enjoyable without her, she is our life and now she will have a little brother or sister along for the ride.
I'm having trouble with the fact that I can't eat the way I was eating and I can't work out like I used to. Heck, I can't work out at all. Changes. For the record, I suck at change. I know that i have to sacrifice for my children and right now I need to sacrifice my body. It's hard to watch my husband run and work out and continue in his weight loss journey while I sit on the couch and eat saltines straight from the plastic sleeve. I feel some disconnect with him because we are no longer in this journey together. He is progressing and I am stagnating. Of course, I will be his biggest fan and his biggest support but I can no longer share this experience with him.
To add to the element of change I believe we have given up on Maryland. I hate giving up. I hate feeling defeated but that's what Maryland has done to us. Every time we get a phone call saying that Ross's start date has been pushed back or when I look at hundreds of apartment listings just to see that we can't afford them makes us feel more defeated. It's taking a toll on us and stressing us out beyond belief. So we have put Maryland on the back burner and turned off the stove. He has applied to Triple Canopy, a contract company that hires former military to provide security for bases in Iraq, Kuwait, and Afghanistan. This job actually looks promising (how many times have I said this and been let down?) and he could be leaving as soon as July. While this is not our ideal situation (gone for four months, home for one, rinse and repeat) it allows us to move back to Cambridge, gives Lizzie the chance to go to pre school (she got in!!) and allows me to see the same midwives I had while I was pregnant with Elizabeth. It will also give us some financial stability that we've been needing for years now. We know that Ross will miss out on a lot in this next year but we're hoping it will give us the start we need to get our lives on track. The plan is to do this for a year and then Ross will apply to New York State Police next year when they open up their hiring. We're hoping that Ross will be able to get his last 15 college credits needed for NYSP while he's in Iraq. Yeah, it sucks. No, I don't want to live away from him. It's just something that we need to do.
It's hard for me especially because I'm pregnant. I always said that with our next baby I wanted Ross to be there every step of the way and it looks like he will miss out on just as much as he did with Lizzie. It's hard on our marriage but at the same time I think it's a true testament to our love and our relationship. We can and we will get through this. In the past I've been known to "buck up" and just deal with things. This is one of those times. I will be strong. I will do everything in my power to keep Ross involved as much as possible. I will probably cry every time I have to drop him off at the airport and rejoice every time I pick him up. I will savor every single day he has home with us and I will remind my children every day how much their Daddy loves them and will do absolutely anything for them.
This is just the next step in our ever-changing lives. Hopefully it's the step in the right direction. Either way, we're going to take the plunge and hope for the best. It's all we can do at this point.
A couple of weeks ago we found out that I'm pregnant. We started trying back in November and a couple of months ago we stopped and decided to wait a little while longer. Our move to Maryland was very up in the air (still is) and we knew Ross would be sent to the academy soon after. Of course, just as everyone says, when we stopped trying...voila! Baby!
I went to the Dr today and they did an ultrasound. According to my dates I should be almost 7 weeks along but the baby is measuring almost 6 weeks along. I go back in four weeks to get a better measurement and get a more solid due date. Right now we think the baby is due in mid January...a little less than a month before Lizzie turns five.
We planned on waiting to tell Elizabeth until my second trimester but it was extremely hard keeping it from her. We had to explain to anyone and everyone that they couldn't talk about it in front of her and we had to keep monitoring ourselves. It was getting tiring always spelling "baby" and coming up with code words and excuses about why I've felt so sick lately.
So, today after my Dr's appointment we spilled the beans. She's just a little excited, don't ya think? ;)
1. what's your favorite rainy day activity? I love to curl up on the couch and read a book or watch movies. We've had at least two weeks of straight rain, clouds, and gloom so I'm ready for some sun!
2. what time do you go to bed? Usually around 11...but it depends. If I go to bed any sooner than 10 I'll be wide awake at 4 am. No fun.
3. how many magazines do you subscribe to? Ross subscribes to Runner's World.
4. did you sell all your belongings because you thought the world was ending yesterday? Ha! Not even close.
5. what's your beauty obssesion? I'm not girly by any stretch of the imagination. I really do love shoes though, I would like to buy all of these cute heels but I know I'd never wear them.
6. if you could only wear one designer/brand for the rest of your life...what would it be? Oh boy, I have no idea. I change my mind way too often to have to stick to one designer for the rest of my life.
7. what's your summer must have? A cute sun dress.
8. do you make weekly dinner menus? I do. If I didn't, I wouldn't know what to buy at the grocery store and then I'd have a house full of random food.
Happy Sunday friends! Look for a new blog post on Tuesday or Wednesday! ;)
I know there might be some of you out there who have looked at me and thought "She does NOT need to lose weight, she's perfectly fine the way she is." If you are one of those people, thank you.
For me, losing weight isn't just about the pounds, it's also about how I feel on the inside. Last summer I lost about ten pounds (I know that doesn't seem like a lot) and saw a big improvement in how I felt about myself. I actually wanted to go shopping and try on clothes. Over the winter I gained every single pound back. I am 5'5" and the last time I was weighed I was 157 pounds. 157 pounds is just about where I started last year. All of my hard work was gone in a matter of months. I went back to feeling judged and insecure when I went out in public. I didn't feel pretty. I was tired all the time and hated the way I looked. I was back to standing in front of my closet for at least an hour finding something to wear.
Losing weight isn't just about appearance for me. Remember THIS post? My back hates me. My hips hate me. My tailbone hates me. The better shape I'm in and the less I weigh, the better. Working out is very hard for me. I can't just jump into a workout routine and lose weight. I have to think about every single movement I make. Luckily, this time around I have Ross. He works out with me and is right by my side the whole time. I ask him numerous times throughout a workout, "Am I doing this right? Is my back straight?" I can't say that I haven't had any problems since working out, about a week and a half ago my lower back was extremely sore. I ended up having to take the remainder of the week off to rest and switch workout routines.
So here we are. Six weeks ago Ross and I started working out and eating healthy. I know six weeks isn't much in the grand scheme of things but it's six weeks of really hard work that I'm proud of. In those six weeks I've worked out for roughly 24 hours not including our hikes and one mile runs thrown in there for good measure.
The biggest achievement for me in these six weeks is that I've religiously stuck to my diet. I have cheated twice. TWICE! That's it. I had fish and chips after our Acadia hike and yesterday I chowed down on some pizza and chocolate chip cookies. While I don't want to think about how many calories I consumed I knew I needed those cheat meals or I wasn't going to be able to eat another salad. Today I can happily say I am looking forward to my salad after all the grease I consumed yesterday.
Working out and eating healthy is very hard for me. I find a lot of comfort in food and It's a habit I've had for many many years. In my world dieting is a very slippery slope. I pick myself apart every day and get extremely frustrated when I don't see the results I think I should be seeing. If I'm bloated I find myself really beating myself up over it during a workout (which is terrible for my back). I feel extremely, extremely guilty when I deviate from my diet plan. I can honestly tell you that after my dinner out in Bar Harbor I wanted to cry I felt so guilty. I find myself shoving food in like I haven't eaten in weeks and afterwards I feel instantly horrible about myself. I know this is something I need to watch and something I need to work on because I know it can very easily lead to an eating disorder.
So this is where I started:
This last picture is extremely depressing for me. This was taken in January during our anniversary dinner. Ross surprised me with a very special dinner (including champagne) at the Melting Pot. Look at me. Do you see what I'm wearing? I'm wearing a sweatshirt to the MELTING POT because I felt so unbelievably uncomfortable with myself. Want to know what I'm wearing under that sweatshirt? A tummy sucker tank top. I'm twenty-four. I'm twenty-four and absolutely hating myself.
Here I am today:
The pictures of me in the black shirt are a big deal to me. I am wearing a t-shirt and jeans and no tank top underneath. For years I always wore something underneath my clothes to help "suck in" the stuff I didn't want hanging out. I can't tell you the amount of summers I've worn tank tops under shirts and just felt so uncomfortably hot. Hopefully not anymore!
Before & After from last summer to now:
Last summer
Today: I think I'm just about where I was minus a nice little tan. haha
Last spring during Sarah's graduation
Today
Last summer: I didn't have this picture on FB for very long because I hated my stomach in it.
Today, with the shirt I wore on Easter.
Am I done? No not even close. I have no idea how much I weigh because we don't own a scale. I'd say I'm about 150 and my goal is 130-135. I'd really like to be 125 but I won't be too upset if I never get there. I know muscle weighs more than fat and I know my body has changed since I had Elizabeth. I'm afraid I might look too skinny at 125 but we'll see when we get there. I normally don't like to post my weight loss like this because I'm afraid I'll get off the bandwagon and I'll hate myself even more because I've put it out there for everyone to see. My hope is that this helps me stick to it and completely change my life.
So here's how I'm doing it. Ross is also losing weight but if he wants to share that I'll let him do that over on his blog. He eats the same as I do and does the same workouts as I do but he runs four days a week.
Here's a little snapshot of what we eat. 90% of our recipes come from HERE.
Taco Salad. The guacamole on it is just smashed up avocado..no sour cream or mayo added.
Smoothies. We love these things...we vary them up but they usually have a soy or almond milk base with greek yogurt and some sort of frozen fruit.
Banana "ice cream." If our mouths are watering for a treat we take frozen bananas and spin them in the food processor. It comes out like a cross between frozen yogurt and ice cream.
These are the two workout videos we switch between. They are each 60 minutes each and in between video days I try to get in a one mile run. If I'm feeling sore I'll take my off days and rest instead of run. We are currently doing the top one and in about a week or so we'll go back to doing the bottom one. All of the deadlifts/suitcase swings/arm swings in the bottom video are killer on the back so it's a work in progress for me. Bob Harper: Ultimate Cardio Body
Bob Harper: Inside Out Method Cardio
So what have we accomplished in these 6 weeks? Ross is running a 5k while we're in NY and he can now run 6-7 miles at a time (in vibrams!). I can run a mile in under 10 minutes. The last mile I ran was in 8:30 something. I can now do four regular push-ups (I know that doesn't sound like much) in a row and then a full minute of push-ups on my knees. I am seeing definition in my arms, legs, shoulders, and back. My mommy pooch is getting smaller but I know it's going to be a long and hard battle to get rid of it (if it will ever really "go away" completely). We are still a work in progress and I'd like to say in a year I'll be brave enough to put on a bikini and post it on here for you all. We'll see how it goes!
When I was pregnant with Elizabeth I had all of these expectations of what being a Mom would be like.
I told myself that I would always be patient. I would only use baby laundry detergent. I would breastfeed for at least the first six months. I wouldn't always dress Lizzie in pink. I said I would never do the finger lick then wipe something off Lizzie's face. I would let Lizzie dress herself if she wanted to and I wouldn't make her change before going out in public. I would never let Lizzie sleep in bed with me. I said I would always be firm and never give in.
I'd like to say that I kept my word but I've broken every single promise to myself. Yeah, I've stuck my finger in my mouth and then proceeded to wipe jam off Lizzie's face. Lizzie's wardrobe is 95% pink and I do not let her go out in public in whatever she wants to put on her body. From the moment Lizzie was born until about a month until Ross came home from Iraq Lizzie slept in bed with me. I am not always patient and some days I give in because I just don't want the fight.
Does this make me a bad Mom? No, I don't think so. I think I'm real, I think I'm normal, and most of all I think I'm honest. Even though I only made it through breastfeeding until Lizzie was four and a half months old, it doesn't mean I've failed as a mother.
Even though I had all of these ideas of what being a mother was going to be like, there are things that happen every day that I never expected.
I never expected giving birth to Elizabeth and being so deeply in love with her I literally thought my heart was going to explode. I never thought I'd be so excited or worried over poop and pee. I didn't realize that sloppy, open mouthed kisses would be better than any gift anyone could have given me. I never realized how much I would love hearing my baby say "Mama" for the first time. I never knew how much I would love a scrap paper card with a simple heart drawn on the inside. I never expected the days when I would just look at Lizzie and be in awe that Ross and I created such a beautiful little girl.
There are so many things that Lizzie does that I never expected but most of all I never expected loving her so much. I knew I would love her but I never fully understood that love until I laid my eyes on her.
Tomorrow is a day all for me. A Mom. I will definitely be spending the day loving Elizabeth and loving the fact that I am a Mom. Even if I have to sigh under my breath when Lizzie throws a tantrum or moan and groan when Lizzie wakes me up too early, I will still be grateful that I am a Mom.
I talk about New York a lot and how much I miss home. I'm pretty positive if you read my blog, you know who I am and know that when I refer to New York, I don't mean New York City.
I am from a little town in Upstate NY called Cambridge. My Dad grew up there and went to the same school as I did (he even knew some of my teachers). My Grandfather even grew up in Cambridge. From what I understand, when my Great Grandparents came from Lithuania they set up their life right in Cambridge and never left. My Great Aunt still lives in their house (she was also born in that house) and my Great Uncle still farms the land.
Cambridge is most definitely a farm community. You can pass at least five dairy farms in a ten minute trip. Our landscape is full of rolling hills, maple trees that change colors in Autumn, horses, cows, farm houses, red barns, covered bridges, streams, brooks, and rivers.
Our town is very small but full of character. We have Hubbard Hall which is an old Opera House formed in 1878. It is the last opera house in our county and is still used today. I was in a play at Hubbard Hall when I was little and have sang at many concerts there with my old Chorale.
The Rice Mansion is a mansion built in 1908 for Jerome B Rice, a seed tycoon. Today it is a historic bed and breakfast.
Across the street we have the old Seed Factory, water tower, and green foot bridge.
The Cambridge Hotel which was built in 1885 (home of "Pie A La Mode!") and is across the street from the old train station where the "Battenkill Rambler" still comes and goes. The hotel lawn is the home of the Cambridge Farmer's Market where you can buy local produce, baked goods, and other goodies while listening to live music.
Our town is the starting line for "Tour of the Battenkill" which is a 64 mile bike race through the Battenkill Valley.
We have the "Cambridge Balloon Festival" every year where we launch hot air balloons, have a food tasting, a carnival, and fireworks. If a balloon lands in your lawn you get a celebratory bottle of champagne. My Aunt & Uncle got one, one year!
I went to school at Cambridge Central which houses pre-k-12th grade. I graduated with about 80 other students, most of which I knew from preschool and on. Saturday mornings and afternoons in the Fall are spent on the fields watching soccer and football games.
I couldn't find a decent picture of the school anywhere so this came from my diploma. On the right hand side of the picture there is an addition to the building, the science wing, which is not shown.
Our senior class. Can you spot Ross? If you find him I'm right near him :)
Our school was the inspiration for this famous Norman Rockwell Painting.
Grandma Moses was from our area and I went to school with her relatives.
Cambridge is home to the Monks and Nuns of New Skete. The nuns make one heck of a cheesecake and the monks are famous for their german shepherd training.
When I was younger, and many years before me, there used to be this woman who we religiously called "The popcorn lady" because she had this old popcorn wagon that she would drive around town and sell popcorn and other treats out of. Her little wagon is now in a museum but we now have the "doughnut cart" that a local family sells delicious doughnuts out of. Yum!
Lake Lauderdale is where I took swimming lessons and where my friendship with my best friend, Sarah, started. For a little insight, our Dad's both went to Cambridge and our Mom's went to the same high school in Vermont. :)
The Batenkill River is home to different covered bridges in the area and Vermont. During the summer people are on the river swimming, tubing, canoeing, kayaking, and fishing. It also makes an excellent place for trashing wedding dresses. ;)
I could go on and on about why I love home so much. I never truly appreciated home until I moved away to be with Ross. My hope is that one day Ross will be able to find a job close to Cambridge so we can move back there. My roots are firmly planted there and part of my heart will always be there no matter where life takes us.
I created this blog to share with you my everyday, boring, challenging, loving, funny and rewarding life. My life is a constant journey to find myself, improve myself, and love my family more and more each day. This is the place I want to share with you all my dreams, my aspirations, the things and people I admire, the little things i've learned, and a little photography along the way. Stop by, read, be inspired, have a laugh, and most of all, enjoy.
