Set backs and positive thinking?

Lizzie and I are still in New York. Yep. You just read that right. This past year has tested my patience and my strength to a new extreme. After waiting “patiently” for job offers and college acceptance letters and then having to see them slip through my fingers has been very hard on my spirit. This past year I feel like i’ve been broken down to the point of being an empty shell only to be brought back up again with a promise of a new and exciting journey just to be let down again. I can only explain this past year as one large roller coaster ride with lots of ups, downs, twists and turns. I was hoping that with this new apartment and knowing that in such a short time I will be living with my husband again that things will turn around. Unfortunately that is not the case. Why I expected anything different is beyond me.

I have been trying so hard to be positive and to look at the bright side of things but right now I have found myself deep inside this hole. I can see the opening at the top but it just seems to be closing faster than I can climb. It is a constant struggle for me. I find myself climbing out of this hole and I’m on my knees about to stand up when a sudden shove to the chest pushes me back down to the bottom again. As I sit at the bottom of this long, dark hole I take a deep breath and know that I have to start the hard climb back out again. I dig my nails into the wet soil, stretch myself as high as I can go just to lose my footing and fall again. (I find this description very ironic as I just realized I am listening to “Down In A Hole” by Alice in Chains right now). Just like in the song I wish I could fly and rise above all of this crap that this past year has thrown at me.

So you are probably wondering why we’re still here. Let me start from the beginning of this apartment hunting journey. We found a cute place that would be a little small but we knew it was only temporary. The price was right, it had a lot of charm, and it was close to the college so Ross would be close to the gym. Then we found a contender. It was a cute place above the health food store, complete with charm and free wireless internet. We find out from that landlord that because we have Elizabeth the rent would jump 100$. Then we find out that the cute little apartment by the college is visited by the cops pretty much every weekend. So we keep looking and find this little beauty that we’re waiting to get into now. The only problem was that it was being completely renovated and we wouldn’t be able to get in until October 1st. The landlord tells Ross “It will probably be ready early but you will definitely be able to be in by the 1st.” So the 1st arrives quickly and it leaves just as fast. Still no apartment. As of the 30th Ross is homeless. He was living with a roommate in a house in Cutler but his roommate’s contract ended and he had to move back home. So Ross’s new home for the time being is the “D’s” couch. The “D’s” are very good friends of ours and if it wasn’t for them Ross would be living in his car. So after the first passes us by the landlord reassures Ross that on Monday he will be able to move in. Hello Monday, Goodbye Monday. Still not ready. Over the weekend we had set up an appointment for Time Warner to come and set up our cable and internet. The landlord at least agrees to let Ross in on Tuesday so he can wait from 7-12 for TW to come. Ross was supposed to be working overtime on Tuesday but had someone cover him for the morning. Seven a.m. rolls around and the landlord is nowhere to be seen to let Ross in. Ross calls, no answer. Finally an hour later the landlord shows up and lets Ross in. Noon then rolls around and TW calls to tell Ross they are running a half hour late. 12:30 comes and goes and he gets another call that they won’t be there until 1:30. Lovely, Ross has to leave at 1:30 to be at work for 2. So we have to reschedule and Ross is now out of 8 hours of overtime pay. Thank you TW for totally screwing us.

Now we wait, on pins and needles, hoping and praying that by tomorrow afternoon our apartment will be finished. People have stopped giving me encouragement and advice because they simply don’t know what to say anymore. I don’t blame them! I don’t know what to say to me either. I am hoping and praying with every ounce of myself that Ross will call the landlord today and he will say, “Yep, we’re all finished!” We have signed a lease and given him our security and first month’s rent so if by Saturday we aren’t in there it will become a legal issue.

I am holding onto the last little glimmer of patience and acceptance. This house has been torn apart and renovated for it’s new life and I hope it’s a symbolization of our new life together. The worn down floors, the sagging walls, the chipped paint all a reminder of a hardened life much like a testament to the past year of our life. I hope that this brand new apartment, it’s newly painted white walls a clean slate, will wipe our lives clean of this past year so we can have a fresh start.